Could a High School Team Win the NFC East?

The NFC East is liquid ass. They’ve earned the nickname ‘NFC Least’ for a reason, and it’s because all four teams are complete and utter cheeks.

The atrocious play-making was on full display this weekend, as we were unlucky enough to have two NFC East matchups in week seven. A Giants vs Eagles Thursday night game? No thank you. Thursday Night Football is almost always a snooze fest. But this week… Daniel Jones and Carson Wentz kept it interesting with a battle of retardation. Whether it was Carson throwing an interception into triple coverage, or Daniel Jones forgetting how to run, we saw the bad and the ugly on Thursday night.

Watching Daniel Jones tumble reminded me of a toddler learning to walk for the first time. The dude’s a professional athlete, and he looked like a fat chick in heels after taking eight vodka shots.

With such poor execution from both teams, I asked myself: could a high school football team compete in this division?

Short answer: Absolutely.

If we think about some of the most talented football states, whether it be Georgia, Florida, or Texas, they all have tons of talent, and they all have tons of future NFL stars.

Let’s take Texas for example. The state has an extremely long list of players that are elite in the NFL. (Drew Brees, Adrian Peterson, Nick Foles, and Baker Mayfield just to name a few future hall of famers.) The list of NFL talent from Texas is longer than Nick Foles’ shaft, so there’s no question that a team of high school players from Texas would win the NFC East. If we’re just comparing stadiums, these high schools have the NFL beat. Way better than Jerry’s World or whatever shit heap the Giants play in.

If we’re talking talent, there’s at least 30 high school quarterbacks in Texas that are better than Carson Wentz right now. When it comes to the skill guys, these high school kids would have no problem beating up on teams like the Cowboys and Eagles. The only issue for these younger kids is the fact that they don’t have the same meal plan, or steroid access that the pros get. I’m not sure if a 16 year old lineman, fueled by protein shakes, could block Chase Young. However, if we gave these kids the LeBron treatment, and everybody got to inject HGH freely, they’d have no problem matching up with an NFC East d-line.

So yeah, a high school team could win the NFC East. I don’t think anyone can argue that. The way it sits right now, the winner of the NFC East is projected to go 4–12. I think some high school kids could do a bit better. All four of these teams are a disgrace, and yes, that includes the Cowboys WITH Dak.

As sports fans, we’re always throwing around these hypotheticals. Could LeBron beat Jordan? Could the ’72 Dolphins compete in today’s game? Could Aaron Hernandez be a good guy? These are questions we ask all the time. But I’m tired of the hypotheticals. Goodell should replace the NY Giants with some high school kids, and let’s end this debate once and for all.